Monthly Archives: October 2012

Just retyped up some thoughts from my computer.

I have such a fear of posting online, of posting online in any situation, even if posting anonymously. It most likely scares me more than socializing with friends. Because people don’t have any connection with you, they don’t like you, they have no reason to pretend to like you, they don’t know you, and they can and will say whatever they think about you. But that’s the fantastic thing, people say what they think and they mean. It gives you a place to speak your thoughts. It’s just bloody top hat tippingly marvellous. And then there is the posting on Facebook, that’s a whole new level of terrifying what the fuckery. I do have Facebook, I tend not to post much and when I do I have to revise it repeatedly, and the moment I’ve clicked “Post Status” it I wonder why I posted it. . It’s such a pointless collection of posts,so many people who crave attention, who feed off it, they sink to the lowest common denominators to get the attention. (Didn’t know you did maths? I don’t do it well.)

Oh wait, I’m afraid I have a nasty surprise for you. (Excited! I’m sure it’ll be loverly though). Assuming there is a you and therefore assuming someone is actually reading this shit. It’s probably not worth your time, and for that, I do apologise and if you feel like leaving at any time, please do. Anyway, I was on something about a surprise, the surprise being.

Another rant, oh joy joys I know. It always feels good to rant everything out, people should certainly do it more often.  

What is the point of life? Proper cliché question, I know, I know. (I don’t think cliche should be a negative word. Most of the times cliches are labelled as such because they’re common, but doesn’t that mean they’re more true?(Thank fuck that you get it!) Because they’re relevant to so many people.) But, like, you finish college, either go to work, or head on to university. If you’re lucky you get to go hitchhiking or travelling. But most can’t afford it. So, you go through university then you get a job – got to pay bills and that – then you settle down, find a person who you care about but may not love. Then comes one kid and maybe another. And then what? You just move in the pattern, getting steadily and steadily more dug in to it. Sometimes you see your friends but not often. You’re too tired to go out for a walk, to see a film or even to read. You just sit in front of the tv/computer doing nothing. Wake up, take the kids to school, go to work, come home, cook for the family, help kids do homework, get them to bed, watch TV, go to bed, go to sleep. That’s it, day after day after day. Then when the kids leave, you and your partner don’t have anything to say, it’s been so long since they spent time together they don’t know how to behave around each other, how to act. So, why do we do it? Because that doesn’t sound fun, it sounds terrifyingly mindlessly mundane. And it won’t change, that pattern will not change for years, and years, and years because the society we live in promotes this. They show it in a wholesome loving, even glamorous light, and this routine will continue through the ages. How can that be all someone wants from life? Maybe it’s just me, but it just marvels me, I guess I can see the temptation, but it’s just so repetitive, so endless. 

I think that’s probably all there is, only if that’s all you make of it. It may seem like a pattern from the outside, but it could just be doing things you enjoy, when you can and following the structure of things you have to do. Indeed it could and i appreciate that, i think people should do what makes them happy, this was a very small observation or thought that doesn’t represent my full opinion on the matter. Simply something i typed out one day.If you question things and aim for enjoyment, rather than material things, than I reckon it’s more worthwhile, less monotonous. Most certainly!  Interesting stuff though, let’s hope it inspires some comments (hint hint). 

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Aiming for Instabilty

So I study Psychology and have been thinking about mental illness quite a lot recently (Interesting subject, very interesting topic). When I consider subjects I often think about the different terminology within them and analyse things I find interesting. I like your approach. 

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the term ‘mental instability’ and it’s opposite. Although most people would define it as ‘mental illness’ if you think about it there’s a lot more to it then that.

 

Firstly, it carries a lot less serious connotations than ‘illness’. You can be ‘instable’ without being ‘ill’. But can you be ‘ill’ without being ‘instable’? I think probably you can.

 

‘Stability’ is linked to lack of change and staying in one place. Isn’t that kind of a bad thing? Surely you can be ‘stably ill’ with no chance of recovery? Whilst if you’re ill and unstable, whilst this means you could make a change for the worse, you could also improve?

 

Also, isn’t change what helps us grow and improve as people? Because how can we move forwards without moving at all? (Only on escalators, floor escalators (apparently named moving walkways) and they aren’t even relevant).

 

So those people who smugly look down on the majority of the hair pulling masses because they’re ‘stable’ better start looking up in my opinion.  Obviously, we all have things to learn from each other, but those of us who are instable are surely more open to learning? Because we’re forever rocking backwards and forwards, round and round, questioning the ground beneath us. Questioning the things that hold us down. 

 

And, in my view, it’s the unstable that are funnier to be around, because they’re always changing and adapting to new situations. You never know what to expect when you’re talking to a nutter. 

 

That last line was purely for effect by the way, but also to show how easy it is to label. And how easily it roles off the tongue. 

 

So I’m going to make a decision, I’m going to decide to label myself before others can, and I’m going to be stably unstable. Because I have no idea how I want be, or what I will become, but I know I don’t ever want to be finished changing. I never want to be held down by the confines of my own personality and what people expect of me. I cant seem to find a suitable way to fully express the fact that I agree with you. 

 

Stably Unstable. 

 

It’s the way to live (Amen! (to show celebration rather than relate to religion)). Accepting that I get upset, and I don’t always know why. That I feel happy, when it would be more socially acceptable not to be. And accepting that it’s all part of me, and that sometimes unpredictability can be good.

 

 

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