Tag Archives: Comedy

My First Post

Note to Pseudonym : That was one freaky noise, I kept hoping NPH would turn up in a car with shrooms and we’d go on  an adventure.  Aha, people going to find this kind of stuff weird if they don’t read a lot. Oh well though, that’s their fault. We’re having fun. 🙂 

Also, I think I managed to post it in the right place. Fingers crossed anyway. Yayy, we so good at computers!

Right, first post, part of me feels like its a momentous occasion (hell yeah gurll!), and part of me feels like no-ones going to read this so why post anything about anything.(Bit morbid aha). But there has to be a first post, if you don’t have a first one, then you cant have a 2nd one, (yes, I typed 2nd because I swear I’ll spell it wrong otherwise and look like a small brained twatnose (you never sound like a twatnose! I find brackets inside brackets confusing for some reason..)) or a 3rd one and so-on.

Alot of my posts will be pretty varied. Anything from about how i dropped my toast to my view on politics and the meaning of life or some shit.  I’m kind of assuming and hoping that no-one will read this, because if people do, then they can judge and say mean and hurtful things  and that’s never fun. Just pretty upsetting. So if you do read this and want to say something unnecessarily hurtful, please don’t. Just close the page, problem solved.

Assuming people read these posts, and keep reading them for some peculiar reason here are some titbits (or is it tidbits?) (I vote titbits) of possibly helpful information. I will use a fair few naughty swears in my posts, there may even be some references to drugs and alcohol – oh how very scandalous (ohhh), I thought I ought to warn you, don’t want your panties getting in a twist, or your bison’s getting in a jam. (Ahaha, like this!) If you have any questions about or any issues with anything I post, please comment, email  or whatever (you can find the email in the about us). 

I have no clue how often me or Pseudonym will post, um, hopefully at least once a week. Maybe more, or maybe less.  (I’ll aim for one a week to start with, unless I’m inspired to do more. But we’ll get the feel for it soon I’m sure).

If you’re still reading at this point, thank you for reading, I appreciate it, you’re just completely swell!! And I promise i’ll try and make future posts a whole load better. (Yeeehaw!) 

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New Years Resolution

Just note to Anonymous first: I kept imagining that beeping sound from the takeaway was going to happen on my walk home. (ahah, hell yeah, can imagine that was freaaakkkyl) Was convincing myself a minialienspyship was following me around occasionally reporting hidden messages to it’s home planet trillions of light years away. (I completely agree with that theory and think we should right a detailed paper on the matter. )

Also, WordPress is now a shortcut for me, right next to Tetris 🙂 (of course! quality shortcutting my friend)

This will go in ‘Random Rantings of a Speck-filed mind’ if you know how to put it there. (somehow completed it!)

 

 

 

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION

 

10

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away I stopped giving a shit what other people thought and decided to talk in my own way. (its a great way) As you may have guessed, I’m not actually referring to some alternate version of reality here. I’m talking about the here and now. About me.

9

My language will be that of truth. I’ll say what I want to say when I want to say it. For example that happily ever garbage I just spouted. I said that because I felt like it and I personally found it funny. (it was) Freeing too; speaking your mind.(Amen sister) Though in a way I guess not, because I’m trying too to be ‘myself’ that I’ve just created my own chains.

8

I can talk in everyday code when I want to. I know to say “fine, you?” when I really mean “terrible but you don’t care and I don’t want you to”.  I know to nod graciously when I receive the same reply. (Social routines, gotta love ’em)

“Excuse me” is not-so-secretly “get out of my way”.

“Thanks, I love it” actually means “Thank god, you remembered the receipt this time.”

7

But we don’t say that. Because we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Even if this is the tenth useless thingy-ma-bob that sticks to the fridge they’ve bought you. Even if the world is all black-and-blue from trying to apologise it refuses to stop. 

6

That’s what sets us apart from the animals; the lengths we go to lying to ourselves that sugar coating makes life better. When we all know it rots your teeth and makes you sick from the inside out. We get angry when people lie to us but we do it everyday in our head and our hearts. So I’ve made the informed decision to stop. I saw what we’d become and realised it was a joke. 

5

So I’m going to start treating life in the way it deserves to be treated.

 

“Again I must remind you that:

A dog’s a dog, a cats a cat.”

T.S. Elliot, The Ad-Dressing of Cats

(good times, good book)

 

4

So I’m going to start having fun, treat it how it be, yaknow?

I might even make a glossary, all the everyday lies I notice. All the things that just mean another. Obviously I’m not going to call people up on this. It’s bollocks, but society needs it to function. 

 

3

I’m just gonna enjoy stepping out of it for a while and taking a look at things. Behind a glass shield, hidden from the rest. Understanding the barrier between us.

Doubt it’ll take me long to fall back into the monotonous pattern of stepping on my own toes to get out of others way.

2

I’ll see if I can send a report from the other side, adios amigos. 

Be back soon, no doubt.

Wish me luck? (the best luck of all luck)

1

 (Loving the New Years Resolution, and number theme.)

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Good Morning World *coughAfternooncough*

We are here, to vent and rant and chat and bollocks. We’re lovely people, i swear. Can’t vouch for our mental stability, but then who can seriously?

You may have noticed the mutli-coloured tendencies of our writing. This is because were racially sensitive, and one of us may possibly have been dipped in chocolate or dirt at birth, it depends how you want to see it. We’ll let you decide which one it is (it’s the one with the bad grammar).

What we’d like to do in this section is to introduce our blog and let people know what kind of thing to expect, however we have no idea what to expect ourselves, so this incoherent mess will have to do.  

I guess a lot of things in here, could seem or sound offensive – they are not meant to be. 

Most blogs will be written by one or other of us, but now and then you’ll get the honour of seeing us in action together. Most blogs will be shite (but humorous, hopefully). This line is essentially to emphasise that most blogs will be shite (but humorous, hopefully)

If anyone is actually reading this, feel free send us a message or email us a questions (pseudonymsanonymous@gmail.com 

Disclaimer: Nothing we write should be held against us or taken too seriously. Most of it may be the products of drug-induced anger. We’re good people, promise.

For the record, all names and places are made up due to keeping our anonymity. (That’s a big thing for us here at PseudonymsAnonymous).

 

Colour-code explanation:

Red- Anonymous

Blue- Pseudonym

Purple- Joint effort

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